Being pregnant

This is an extract from a diary entry I made shortly after L was born. I think it might have started out as a blog plan, but I'm not sure really! Anyway - my thoughts on being pregnant.

I LOVED being pregnant! I have read lots of blogs, facebook sites, random comments and conversations with friends, family and strangers. People seem to have had varying experiences for a variety of reasons but I loved it!



This is the day before I gave birth.

• A bit of hip/back pain, plus the obvious tiredness called for some discomfort or upset most days but I just didn't care. I was amazed that my body was growing this little person, who was wriggling around inside me.

• Everytime I looked down at my feet, bump, looked in the mirror, I was reminded of what was coming. The wriggling baby had me hooked - addicted to the private moments we were sharing.

• As the sleepless nights increased in frequency and length, I simply enjoyed being kicked and prodded. Chatting to it and telling it how excited we were to meet it.

• Some people seemed...amused (?)...at how relaxed we were - as though we didn't know what was coming. I knew it would be hard work and challenging - but it was exciting.

• I was looking forward to childbirth and excited to allow this little person to take over my life. Nothing was going to stand in our way.

What did you love, or hate, about being pregnant?


Since writing this diary entry I have found out that both of my brother's will have had babies by the end of 2013. Their partners are busy exchanging tales with one another and I am so jealous! Ha - I would just love to be pregnant with my two lovely SILs and to be able to share with them this fabulous experience.

Our experience of child birth

I am fascinated by other peoples child birthing stories. Some are lovely, some are scary, some are simple, others complicated - but I love them all! This is simply our version of events. Please feel free to comment some of your own. While we were pregnant it seem bizarre to have no idea what it would be like. Hearing other people's stories helped me - perhaps it will help someone else.

It all started after some peaceful sleep (at last!). It was early morning and Rob was getting ready for work when I came out of the bathroom, worried about the blood on the tissue. It was wet like waters, and it wasn't mucus-y like I expected the show to be. It was one week before our due date so we spoke to the community midwife and the labour ward who suggested we go in to be checked over.

Withing a few hours the head midwife had declared we were in labour having seen the contractions on the trace. At this point I could feel them, but they didn't hurt. Our little baby's heart beat had dropped a few times so we set up camp for the day.

They broke my waters to help things along, but within a few hours the contractions had stopped so we had to be hooked up to a hormone drip to induce the contractions again. Having broken my fore waters, my hind waters broke on their own. It felt like I had wet myself and it was quite uncomfortable. My amazing husband cleaned it while I sorted myself in the bathroom. The first of many things I didn't expect to need him for.

The labour continued to progress with the drip but it meant we couldn't have the water birth we had planned for. I had been very relaxed about the 'birthing plan' - thinking of it as a guide rather than a plan, but now I was lost! What pain relief would I need and when?

The contractions were coming every few minutes and although they were painful they were bearable. Rob and I found our rhythm at helping and being helped. I was so relieved - I thought I'd be snappy and grumpy at him but I was simply amazed that this experience was happening to us. I felt lucky all day. The baby's heartbeat kept dropping and they didn't know why. There were several conversations about it all, but we were sent for a cesarean section.

I was so scared I was shaking all over, but I was also excited that our baby would be here in a very short time; Rob would be there to hold my hand and together we would finally see our baby for the first time.

I was wrong.

The senior anaesthetist tried in between three different vertebrae and couldn't get the spinal block in. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. A lovely midwife - Emma - pulled my head and shoulders forward to curve my spine, and I tried curling up on my side but it was no good. I had to have a general anaesthetic - Rob wouldn't be there and I would be asleep. I cried and cried as the team prepared me. I was worried that I wouldn't be there for the first few hours and that Rob would be alone. I had to remind myself that it was a small sacrifice for our distressed baby.

The recovery from the general anaesthetic is in a different blog because it sort of ruins the story of the best day of my life!

Rob brought our new baby into the recovery room with the midwife. He came right up to my face and I'll never forget the look on his face as he said "It's a boy, and his name is Lawrence".

At once all the troubles of the day were gone - they simply didn't matter because the happiness I shared with my husband at that moment overruled everything.

It took me about 6 weeks to be able to tell this story without being emotional and upset.

Trying to get pregnant!

This is a diary entry from June 2012 - we had just found out we were pregnant and this is the story of us trying to get there. I didnt write much about it during the trying so this is me releasing it all and trying to explain it to Rob. It was some excellent therapy at the time, a valuable thing to be doing now the baby is here too!

"In April 2011, my amazing Rob and I decided to start our family. We cancelled our 'once in a lifetime' trip to Sri Lanka on the assumption that we would be pregnant by then. It seemed like a no-brainer - of course we'd be pregnant by the summer. We were wrong, and we were gutted.

Shortly after this I was offered an amazing career opportunity. It meant we'd have to stop 'trying' (how can one word mean so much?) I decided the career was the right path. It was only then that I realised how much our (yet to be) family mean tto Rob. Seeing how emotional and upset my husband was - it was all I needed. The baby would take priority.

Now I needed to talk. No one has ever talked to me about their experiences of conception, during or after, but I needed to spill my guts and be assured I was doing the right thing. Emma was my girl! She understood, had guessed and said all the right things. I felt better.

By the time the job was due to start I still wasnt pregnant and we quickly calculated that I would have had time to squeeze in one year of teaching in this new role.

No holiday, no amazing job and still no baby. I began to worry.

Energy was plowed into planning our new home - the first we would own together. We demanded to be in by Christmas - we wanted to host! "Our last child free Christmas" we said to each other! "Of course we'd be pregnant soon" - the positive mantra came out again, but I didnt quite believe it.

I returned to work after the Christmas holidaysbut found I couldnt handle it. It was too stressful and it was the bottom of my priorities. Rob sent me to the doctor.  I tried my best to explain how I felt about the job, the lack of baby and a new house that I wasnt 100% happy with. The great and understanding doctor gave me some literature, a questionnaire and told me to take some time for myself. Through the information and a further appointment it was decided I had some anxiety issues
 - Relax
 - Stop worrying about the baby
 - Eat well
 - Exercise
This was the advice and I needed to find a way to slot it into my life.

I slipped easily back into work and my amazing friends held my hand, but Rob and I needed something new to concentrate on. Pepper was our answer

 

It seemed so simple

 - refocus (stop worrying about the baby)

 - exercise the dog (exercise me)

 - visit nw places (relax)

 

We brought her home in February and I felt like a new person. I didnt know how to tell people about anxiety without telling them about our still non-existent baby, so mainly I didnt. But I wanted to tell people how much the simple therapy of owning a pet helped pull me out of my anxious world.

 

We reached the Year 1 mark and it was the most upset I had been so far. Questioning why was starting to take over our conversations - not ideal for a relationship. I resolved to forget the 'trying' and enjoy my husband. We called it 'stepping up our efforts' and suddenly I remembered how much fun it was a year ago! I relaxed and perhaps that what made the difference because soon it was my birthday and I felt sick and I needed to pee.

 

We were in Lulworth Cove for my birthday and I was SURE, but I'd been sure before. We spent the day walking the cliff with Pepper and talking like it was a done deal. Rob revealed that my family would be joining us for dinner and it all seemed perfect.

 

"Peeing on a stick" - what a gift! I remember leaving it in the bathroom of our B+B because I couldnt bear to look at it. Rob went in after me and emerged smiling - unsure but smiling. It was positive and suddenly all the stress of the last 14 month disappeared. There was nothing wrong with us. We had succeeded. Our plan had finally worked out.

 

We spent the weekend telling our parents and siblings and we could not stop smiling"

Easy like Sunday morning....

My husband has to work today and I hate it when he has to go. The dog cries and I am up earlier than usual for no good reason other than I have been woken up. Of course it is worse for him as he actually has to be at work (as much as he loves his job!). Being 37 weeks pregnant I am feeling like I need my rest now as there will soon be a lovely bundle to get me up instead regardless of the day of the week or the time of the day!

So today's short post is about being grateful for the things you have in the here and now and has spurred me to write a longer post about all the things I am grateful for

This morning I am grateful for sitting in bed researching crafting ideas and having time to write a shopping list of all the things I need to pick up ready for a craft day. A CRAFT DAY - I wont have time for that in a few weeks!

Now, onwards with researching and planning...

Lost...

So, I thought Blogging would be easy! Jan 1st came along - this will be fun I thought, this will be easy I thought, I will have something interesting to share I thought. It turns out I was wrong. I dont know where to start with my blogs - some of them become more like a Dear Diary entry and thats no fun to anyone!

I have been reading other blogs - totally at random to see what people talk about and it seems researched, thought out, planned and I dont seem to be able to do it.

How does one start?!?!

Pregnant and tired...no new story here!

So my day started quite poorly at about 3am when I couldnt sleep. This was most inconvenient as I had planned to be up and refreshed by 7 (when hubby left for work) so that I could walk the dog, tidy up and sort a few things out before going in to town to meet some friends for coffee. Instead it meant my morning really began at 9am when I dragged my groggy self out of bed and promised the dog a decent walk.

Well, it turns out that extra napping between 5.30am and 9am helped a great deal! I feel like Ive done plenty! Washing - done. Friends visit - done, particularly detailed catch up! Hubby's birthday shopping - partially done.  Vaccination - done (even if it was a little painful!)

I keep reading that my insomnia is linked to being uncomfortable in bed and having lots on my mind - both fair comments but I am usually a sleep monster and my discomfort isnt that bad and Im feeling organised so my brain isnt whirring at night (at the moment!). Lots of parents have told me that it is my body getting me prepared for the baby coming. I cant see this myself, however the baby is extremely active at this time of the night/morning. (Its the only thing that doesnt keep me from pulling my hair out!)

So, I am wondering - fellow parents - is it possible that the baby's waking time now will reflect its waking time once it's born?

Me Before You - Jojo Moyes

**SPOILER ALERT**

OK - the first thing to mention is that my review and thoughts of this book does give away the ending - it is vital to do so to explain my feelings about the book.

Second thing to mention is that pregnancy has made me much more emotional. I know I am not the first to experience this, but I think it is worth mentioning that I am not usually quite so high and low in my emotions. On account of this it is quite possible that my thoughts about this book are magnified by my pregnancy emotions!

A friend loaned me this book MONTHS ago!! She has asked me several times if I have started reading it and I have had to embarrassingly say 'no'. Its not that I haven't been interested, but I really haven't read a book since the summer!

A brief synopsis of the book:
A young woman, Louisa, begins a new job as a carer to a paraplegic man, Will, of a similar age. He was an active and adventurous person, but now that he has no movement in his legs and limited movement in his arms he is making plans to go to Dignatas with his family to be allowed to make the decision to die under his own wishes. Louisa decides to try to convince Will that he has plenty to live for - and of course, they end up falling in love!

Once I had realised that Louisa wasn't going to be successful I was heartbroken. How can Moyes make me invest in this lovely friendship, humorous chapters and interesting take on disability and then take it all away! It meant I couldn't put Me Before You down - much to husbands pleasure (more Champo time!).

Others can do whatever they can please as long as it doesn't affect anyone else - this remains my opinion from the way I have been brought up - but I haven't stopped thinking about this book and its affects in the real world.
How would I feel if it was me in the wheelchair? How would I feel if it was my husband in the wheelchair telling me he wanted to do the same as Will? I really don't know what I would do.

From researching and reading online about Dignatas and assisted suicide I have discovered that Terry Pratchett created a documentary about similar, but I cannot find it anywhere! It seems like it has been BANNED in the UK which I find odd - if anyone has any ideas please let me know, I'd be so interested in seeing it.